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"It starts with e-mails," says Nancy Kalish , a psychology professor at Cal State Sacramento who has studied the phenomenon. "It goes to IMs (instant messages), and the hotel room follows pretty soon afterward."

Back in the 1990s, it was rare for a married person to reach out to a first love. Nowadays, about 8 in 10 people who contact a former lover are married, Kalish says, based upon the findings of her own Web site, Lostlovers.com.

Sound familiar? If so, you are not alone. Reunion.com was created in 2002, says site spokeswoman Shari Cogan , and its growth has been "just unbelievable." The site has profiles for 34 million people, and is gaining as many as 40,000 daily, she says.

And Reunion.com is just one of several sites that make it easier than ever to track down an old friend. Classmates.com allows users to "leap through a portal to the best of your past" and boasts a database of 60 million people who graduated from more than 200,000 schools.

Kalish has made "rekindled romances" her specialty. Her research on the subject, which began in 1993, led to her 1997 book, "Lost & Found Lovers." She has appeared with Oprah Winfrey and on "20/20," and frequently presents her findings at psychological conventions.

That's not uncommon, says Kalish. Old flames often rekindle, she theorizes, because a physical, chemical imprinting occurs when we meet our first love. It typically happens when we are young and impressionable.

Kalish says her research has shown that a vivid dream about an old flame is the most common trigger of the urge for a reunion. Her subjects often interpret such dreams as a sign that they should contact their first love, but Kalish says such dreams speak to the power of those memories.

If you knew your boyfriend had hidden needs, would you want to help with those needs? Most girlfriends would say, "Yes!" However, most boyfriends will probably not blatantly tell you these needs, even though you need to know them.

His needs are probably different from what you would expect, too. You might think he needs you to love football and chicken wings, look like a supermodel, and spend every waking moment with him. But are those his true needs?

I once was a boyfriend. My wife, Erica, and I dated for five years through college (and now have been married for eight years). While we dated, we wanted to meet each other's needs while at the same time fight to maintain a relationship that honored God. Let's just say that the struggle to understand each other's needs was real.

A lot of times men's and women's needs can seem like a foreign language to one another, and trying to understand each other can cause frustration. Over the course of Erica's and my dating season, we started to discover what our true needs were. And now as we have helped to disciple young Christian couples over the past six years, we've seen some consistent trends in the needs of boyfriends and girlfriends.

A baseline for a healthy relationship is that your boyfriend needs you to love God more than you love him. But beyond this, your boyfriend has other needs that add value to him, and in turn, to your relationship. So, ladies, let me give you a glance into your boyfriend's heart and mind. Here are four things every boyfriend really needs from his girlfriend.

Inside every man's heart is a longing for the answer to this question: "Do I have what it takes?" Now ultimately, your boyfriend receives this confirmation from his heavenly Father (and sometimes from his earthly father), but as his girlfriend, you can help instill the confidence he needs to be the man God has called him to be.

Your boyfriend doesn't need you to try to get his attention; he needs your respect and encouragement . In Genesis 2:18 we see that Adam needed a helper, so your role of encourager in his life is essential.

Ladies, you might wonder, What does my boyfriend want to do for fun? That's an important question, as all lasting relationships have to have an element of fun. And your definition of fun could be totally different from your boyfriend's definition. Here's a little secret where you can't go wrong with men. It's one word: adventure!

The Alpha Female is a strong, majestic female. She can often be intimidating to those around her and isn't afraid to ask for what she wants. She's killing it in her career and has a solid group of friends to rely on.

There’s nothing quite as brilliant as a woman with confidence and ambition. She isn’t scared to put people in their place should they do her dirty, nor is she willing to put up with anyone else's sh*t. She simply doesn’t have the time.

A strong Alpha Woman needs a man who’s her equal, her partner, her greatest supporter. By definition, you’d think that she should want an Alpha Male, but he can provide only passion, not steadiness. She also doesn't get along with Beta Males because they’re too weak to keep her or pique her interest.

May I introduce Type Z: a man who’s equal parts solid and charismatic. He’s her rock, her foundation. He’s not intimidated by her successes nor would he allow her to walk all over him. He’s true to himself and true to her.

He has your full trust, and you can tell each other anything. You're not afraid your embarrassing stories are going to come back to you when you meet his family or when you meet his friends for drinks.

If he's done something wrong, he’ll always be man enough to admit it and tell you he's sorry. He's not arrogant or pigheaded — he won't do something sh*tty and turn the tables on you, and he won't hurt your feelings and make you feel stupid for being upset.

Whether in his current career or his lofty life goals, he always seems to be moving at the same speed you are. He knows what he wants and respects what you want. He's never pushy or demoralizing — just steadily moving from one goal to the next with a very bright future in sight.

He's slow and steady, but never a doormat. He doesn't idolize you but doesn’t make you feel small. He treats you like the fierce woman you are. He also likes to spoil you, but would never give you everything you want.

Relationship research is always moving forward, and this post—the first and most popular at Love Science—is updated per new data from paramount Lost Lovers researcher  Dr. Nancy Kalish .   Fascinating new details are here, but they only strengthen the core message:  Unless you’re single, divorced or widowed—don’t look up that old flame on Facebook.   

  In her book Lost & Found Lovers: Facts and Fantasies of Rekindled Romance , Kalish reveals that 76% of pre-internet and 78% of first-love re-connections in Phase 1 culminated in happy marriages—sex beyond compare, highs that seem to last forever, baby-talk that ruins other people’s digestion.  Their later divorce rate is under 2%!  Talk about a path to wedded bliss. 

What Happened?!?  Technology collided with marital status and Good Intentions.   Over 2/3 of Phase 1, pre-internet folks were SINGLE and thus available when they asked friends and family for so-and-so’s phone number; it’s a bit daunting to intentionally find an old flame if you’re still wed and you’ve got to ask her daddy for her digits.  On the other hand, as Kalish wrote to me, by the mid-2000’s, “People were just surfing the internet, and what could be the harm of sending an email?  It’s private, and seems safe.”

Except that if you’re married—as 2/3 of the Phase 2 interviewees were when they hit “send”—the road to hell really is paved with Good Intentions.  Affairs are the *normal* result of these reconnections; 62% of the married folks wound up having an affair…yet they didn’t begin the contact with any such plan. 

And what then?  Partly because both parties rarely exit existing marriages, the most common endings are zero contact with the former lover, or a continued sexual affair.  Emotional aftermath includes fractured, confused lives…lives that were rolling along just fine until an innocent email derailed their stability.     

Flatly put: It’s dangerous to reconnect with an old flame, even—perhaps particularly—if you are happily married and are merely curious about how things turned out for your first love; and it’s foolhardy to casually encourage your spouse to look up their former sweetie. Social networking sites make it simple to follow an idle curiosity about how so-and-so is doing, and Facebook is invaluable for reconnecting. But it would appear that there are wise limits for friending.  

@Monica, Yes, you're right--it definitely matters what the connection was like the first time around. Just about everyone has people from the past whom they cared about or even loved, but most of those folks would not pose a threat to a marriage. Kalish's research primarily deals with people who fit a very particular profile...you can see it here at another Love Science column called "When First Love Is True Love":http://www.lovesciencemedia.com/love-science-media/when-first-love-is-true-love-re-igniting-the-old-flame.html?SSScrollPosition=368

Basically, about 1/4 of adults in Kalish's study--and perhaps across America and other Westernized nations, given her data set's extensiveness-- have a Lost Lover who fits the profile for both of these Love Science articles: Someone we loved when very young (usually under age 17; under 22 the vast marjority of the time), from whom we were separated for reasons *other than* incompatibility. Very common reasons for separation are parental interference (#1 reason), or a military or other move. Basically, these are Interrupted Loves that were between two young, compatible people. They weren't puppy loves--just real love, really young.

3. Girls love to be surprised especially during important occasions. Yes boyfriends might buy her some gifts but that doesn’t mean she just loves the material things that come with the relationship. It just means you remember her.

4. Girls like it when guys ask advice from them. This action just shows that you trust her, and that she’s someone you can count on to. She loves to talk and by asking her, she’d feel that her opinion matters to you.

14. Say something sweet, she likes it. This is one of the best things that you guys should always remember doing, as often as you could especially when she’s not in the mood. A little appreciation about how good she is looking in your date and when she smells great is something that would put a smile on her face even just for a while and would soon ease the tensions within her.

17. If a guy remembers something important for a girl that she said once in a conversation, and you bring it up later, it makes that girls feel special. It means that you are truly listening to her. Girls are big in conversation.

20. Girls love to be stared at sometimes. Looking straight in her eyes tells something, this melts her heart especially when she is attracted to you. But make sure you really know this girl, or you are in a deeper level of a relationship. This can go from romantic to creepy in no time. In depends on the situation.

27. Walk her home after a date, she wants to feel safe. Even if girls do not say it, they want to be walked safely to their homes. Doing this as a gentleman would be a very big thing, especially for girls who just observing you if you can really take care of them.

30. Girls love special things especially when it’s given as a surprise. Do something special for her sometimes. Doing something like giving her flowers and stuff toys just for no reason would make her day very important and worth remembering. Making girls feel exceptional would make them feel good about themselves as and will take away some of their insecurities as well.

33. Girls don’t like to like guys that aren’t over their ex-girlfriends. It means that, you are just having her as a rebound. Make sure you are over from your past relationship before dating. You don’t want to carry all those baggage around.

Men look at other women and it’s perfectly normal. However, many women feel uncomfortable and start fuming (read: steam billowing out of their ears) when they see their lover eye-balling a younger woman wearing a tight dress or bust them looking at the most ridiculously-themed porn. Have you seen some of that stuff? It’s seriously hilarious and I know you know what I’m talking about.

1. See it for what it is.
I think that the base cause of the feelings of discomfort for women when their partners look at other ladies can be insecurity and it’s really a pointless waste of your precious energy. From personal experience I can honestly say there have been times that my blood wanted to boil when I caught my partner mentally undressing a random woman in a restaurant, supermarket or in the post office. But the biological essence of the situation is that it means nothing. Literally nothing. It’s a fleeting surge that happens within the mind of the man and doesn’t mean he’s going to spontaneously sweep the attractive stranger off her feet and run away with her.

2. Jealousy is not very pretty.
Some men are better than others when it comes to taking a sneaky peek at a hottie. I know if I was a man I’d be pretty good at it I think. I’m pretty good at it now when I check out a man I find attractive.

The key point to remember here is that it’s about feeling worthy within yourself and not letting jealously rattle your cage. By comparing yourself to the woman you bust your partner looking at can be really upsetting and damaging to your
self-esteem if you let it.

3. Transform your fear into trust.
Just remember that it’s not an opportunity to question the special nature of your relationship or question your own unique attractiveness. Fear always attracts more fear so make sure that you approach any issues that make you feel
awkward with a sense of calm when you feel it’s necessary to discuss this with your partner.

4. Invite your partner to channel the sexual energy towards you.
I opened a discussion to my boyfriend recently about this tpic as he felt slightly uncomfortable expressing to me that he indeed feels attracted to other women. I told him that this falls into the category of his own private conversation with the Universe and I don’t need to know everything. I also told him that the way I intend to view the situation is that I’m the lucky lady that gets to have all of that energy channelled into me (if you catch my drift) in the privacy and sanctity of our relationship.

5. Allow yourself to shine.
I’ve spent way too much of my life not feeling worthy and choosing to get grumpy over stupid, insignificant stuff. But I’m choosing NOW to be the best time ever to celebrate my own sexiness, my own beauty and my own ability to intend that I feel secure in all situations that arise. The key is alignment and moving away from fear based sense of false competition to allow the essence of our glorious expression as women to shine!

Sarah Prout is a bestselling author, co-founder of the Adventures In Manifesting series, entrepreneur, publisher and mumma of 2 little darlings. She reaches over 55,000 followers in over 24 countries around the globe with heartfelt, vibrant and empowering advice about love, business and style. Visit: SarahProut.com .

Many times women find inspiration in men’s clothes. Men's clothes are comfy and look really cool. If you are tired of tight tops, be ready to experiment how to wear the boyfriend shirts and create a trendy, casual look. If you wear them right, these shirts can be really chic pieces. The 90s fashion is popping up everywhere in the fashion industry and the oversized boyfriend shirt is definitely one of these items, which is really hot this year.

Boyfriend shirts can look extremely cute and effortlessly trendy on girls. Men’s shirts spent more time in the fashion spotlight than boyfriend jeans or boyfriend blazers that became very popular lately. Men usually think that women wearing men’s clothes are sexy, and girls like to enjoy the sensation of freedom these clothes confer to them. You love this style and want to wear boyfriend shirts but still want to look feminine? Check out our tips below and learn how to add a little feminine touch to look comfy and gorgeous in your favourite boyfriend shirts!

How to find the right boyfriend shirt?

Women’s lines usually design well-fitting boyfriend shirts and menswear styles but if you want to obtain a more original look, go for those shirts that are a few sizes larger than you would usually purchase. A trendy boyfriend shirt has to be longer, hitting below your bottom, much like tunics, that are very hot fashion items this season as well. For a casual chic look, boyfriend shirts should look a bit oversized on you, so don’t worry if here and there they are a little baggy on you.

How to wear it?

To achieve a more feminine look, match your boyfriend shirts with tight, well-fitting pants. Don’t forget that your reason is not to look frumpy, but more trendy and chic. Therefore, a great option would be to wear skinny jeans, leggings or jeggings with your favorite boyfriend shirts. Oversized shirts can easily be counterbalanced with fitted bottoms and you are ready to make a statement. These are really hot items this year, but for a tasteful look, make sure that your shirt is long enough, below your bottom. You can even put on belts that should be worn on the low waist or on your hips. Complete your look with stylish accessories: long necklaces, bold bracelets and put on a pair of chic stilettos.

The fact of the matter is, your boyfriend thinks you’re beautiful no matter what. However, you may be in the mood to spice up your look and just to try something different to make your special man see your beauty in a new light. If you want to look beautiful for your boyfriend, then you have to take care of your outward appearance as well as your attitude.

I’m in a serious relationship with my best friend. He says that I’m the only girl he thinks about and cares about, but I’ve noticed him checking out other girls. Is it normal for guys to check out other girls even if they’re in a serious relationship? Does this mean he’s going to cheat on me? Why else would he look at them if he didn’t want to be with them? Help!!!!!

Assuming that he is totes into you, it’s still entirely normal for him to check out other girls. Ever since Grog caught a glimpse of Ug in her hot new leopard pelt as she bent over to cook that night’s sabre-tooth tiger steak, men have been, and always will be, visual creatures . And not only are men aroused by images more easily than women are, but we seem to be more sexually driven than women are. It’s a romantic notion to imagine a guy who shields his eyes from anyone but you, but such a guy is about as rare as Bigfoot.

Because it’s so typical, the fact that he looks at other women from time to time does not mean that he will cheat on you. Furthermore, trying to get an otherwise good guy to repress his natural instincts might only push him farther away.

However there is, of course, a fine line between “checking out” and “creepily oggling” other ladies. A quick glance at a bikini-clad babe passing by is one thing, but a prolonged staring session with your best friend is another. The point is that while you should cut his gazing some slack, he should also be showing some respect in your presence, appreciating you for the hot babe you are. If he can’t keep it classy, it’s time for a serious discussion.

@Navi, Simply tell him what celebrities you find attractive, give him the taste of the old medicine.If he is aright with you saying that then you should be too but if not then you might need to face him about it.

My newly divorced bf (I’m his first since!) talks often about younger women, how he might get them; whether he wants more kids with a young woman (he’s 55!); tells me that women flirt with him, and he checks out women whenever we’re in public. He’s affluent and decent looking, but he’s as stingy as I’ve ever seen a man be! He has been a serial monogamist all his life, and I’m pretty good looking for our age group and I have developed some skills in bed he claims to have never before experienced. (Not saying much since I have more experience than he does!)

But the reader above who said a man who blatantly looks at (all) other good-looking women is selfish has hit the nail on the head: my guy IS selfish. He interrupts me when I’m speaking; forgets personal things I’ve told him; doesn’t ask me questions about anything I tell him about my life; seems dependent and loving and the next minute, scares himself into putting distance between us. Talks more about his yacht than his kids. Talks more about his life before his marriage – 17 years ago! And has 0 ability to be romantic. I’m starting (after 6 weeks) to get glimpses of why his wife dumped him.

I just think its disrespectful to stare one thing is to glance but if I catch him doimg it he’s obviously staring ill catch my bf looking straight at there asses its embarrasing I feel like shit when he does that :/

 

 

 

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